Wednesday, January 1, 2014

New Year's Eve Curses

HAIL SATAN!!!!!!!!!


The atmosphere all around me was filled with wrath, hatred, and the extreme need to wreak revenge. Worry and uncertainty also hung low and thick in the air, just like those fat, watery rain clouds that are so low in the sky they feel like they are suffocating you, crowding you in, trapping you. These dark, unpleasant feelings were felt by me and all five of my demons. Antichris was also effected by the feelings. Worry and uncertainty were the two main feelings that he was experiencing as far as my demons and I know. We aren't really sure if he felt the huge, all consuming desire for revenge like we felt, though. But since he is a Satanist, we're almost positive that he shared the angry feelings and the need for revenge, too.

It was New Year's Eve, a day where people are supposed to leave their worries and unhappiness behind. We were planning on doing just that, Antichris and I. We were going to fornicate at midnight, when the New Year was born and we were going to ring the Satanic bell nine times, all the while surrounded by black candlelight made by Antichris and Satan and all five of my demons and all of his demons, too. But our plans were sabotaged by a big, fat, thick envelope from a law firm that was invading Antichris's mailbox, just waiting to unravel all its dark, unwanted news to us. I'm not sure how long that bastard of an envelope sat twiddling it's edges waiting to launch into it's mode of mass destruction. What I do know is that Antichris just HAD to check his mail today, right on New Year's Eve. It really isn't his fault that he checked the mail so my demons and I are not angry at him. But it is the envelope, the letter inside the envelope, the law firm, and Antichris's wretched landlord's fault and THOSE individuals MUST BE SATANICALLY CURSED!!!!!!!!! HAIL SATAN!!!!!!!!!

The letter that Antichris found in the ugly envelope was a notice stating that he has to be out of his house very soon. A final eviction notice is what it was I'm pretty sure. Anyway, that notice put a black, ugly, stupid cloud over Antichris's whole mood and it hovered over him all day. In turn, the cloud haunted me and all of my demons. At first, my demons and I were consumed by worry, uncertainty, and sadness because whenever Antichris is worried or sad, we can feel it, too. But then new, more productive feelings began to make their stealthy way into our minds. Those feelings were sheer wrath and a great desire to abominate all who were involved in making our beloved Antichris sad and worried and feeling hopeless.

"We have to do something Mommy!" cried all my friends.

"We can't let those scoundrels get away with what they are doing! When they fuck with Antichris, they are fucking with US, too! And THAT is a VERY bad thing for them."

Then Chrissie added angrily, while stomping her bean filled, fuzzy feet, "It will be a cold day in hell before we give those bastards any mercy. Come on Mommy, cheer up! Don't let the worry and sadness bog you down. Let's DO something to those people and let's do it NOW! Smm Smm!"

"Yeah," Mary Meyers said, also stomping her little feet in pure hatred of Antichris's landlord and the law firm that they were working with.

"Sadness and worry often do not allow people to be productive because those feelings take over all other senses in the body. Let's abolish those nasty feelings right now! WE NEED REVENGE!!! Smm Smm! Smm Smm! Smm Smm!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!" all five demons yelled.

"Hail Satan!!!!!!!!! Hail Satan!!!!!!!!! Hail Smm Smm! Let the revenge BEGIN!"

"What should we do?" I asked, bewildered by their sudden excitement that seemed to come out of nowhere. Just a few minutes before all my demons had been silent as death, hanging their heads. Nevaeh kept whimpering "Smm Smm," in a pitiful, sad voice that sounded like a wounded cow or like an animal who is mourning the loss of its mate.

"We're going to place Satanic curses on all the people who wronged Antichris," Smm Smm said.

"Not only did they ruin Antichris's New Years Eve but they ruined ours, too. We will not allow those dirty dogs to treat Antichris that way."

"Yeah," Nevaeh piped up.

"It will make the Satanic baby growing inside you feel better, too Mommy. Let's start hexing people right now!"

"All right," I said, smiling at all of them.

"But you'd better hurry up. It's only forty minutes until midnight. You have a lot of hexes to place on people. Bryan, are you going along with the rest of them?"

"You bet you're ass I'm going," he said in his growly voice.

This shocked the hell out of me. Bryan is the laziest creature I've ever met. For him to be up for going on an adventurous outing meant that he was pretty pissed off too.

"I hate those scum bags," he growled.

"I will NOT allow them to hurt you or Antichris and get away with it. Give me that bottle of rum, I need to take it with me. I curse people better when I've got some booze inside my system."

He offered some to the other four demons but they declined his offer. Mary Meyers gagged when he passed the rum bottle to her and shouted, "Get that icky stuff away from me! I don't know HOW you manage to choke that shit down!"

"All right, bye-bye Mommy!" they all cried as they headed for the door. As they walked outside into the black, chilly December night, their voices became fainter and fainter as they continued to say, "Good-bye Mommy, goodbye Mommy! Good-bye Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

I didn't tell Antichris where they had gone because I wanted it to be a surprise. I wanted him to find out about their quest for much deserved revenge in a bedtime story I made for him. I thought that would make him smile and would give him happy thoughts to hold onto like treasures while he drifted off into dreamland.

The first stop my friends went to was to Antichris's landlord's house. There, they all filed up her steps right up to her front door. One by one, they began reciting their hexes, which they had given careful thought and planning as they walked to her wretched, ugly house.

Chrissie was first in line. This is because she likes to cause the most trouble. Before she opened her mouth, she took careful aim at the landlord's front door, and let a huge stream of urine gush out of her. It ran right up to her door and then began to flood the small opening underneath the door and flood her entrance inside the house.

"Aaaaaahhhhh, much better," she sighed contentedly when she had finished peeing.

"I'd been holding that for quite some time. That feels much better."

She took out the Satanic bell, looked up to the heavens, and began to ring it nine times, just like Antichris does in his rituals.

Once she had rung it nine times, she began to speak.

"Hail Satan!!!!!!!!! Dark, Unholy Lord, I praise you. I curse Jehovah and his rotten, filthy son jesus christ! I come before you, my Dark Lord, because the landlord living in this dump needs some serious cursing and only you, Satan, are wicked and almighty enough to place it on her where it will have the most effect. Satan, let her find out really soon what it is to have her be home taken away from her just like she is trying to do to Antichris. Let her have no place to go once she loses her home and let her keep hydrated by drinking dirty, murky mud puddles from the rain that she can find in parking lots and in sewage drains. Let the water that she drinks be polluted with oil from cars that are leaking, along with other poisonous, harmful things. But Satan, don't let her die just yet. Make her suffer for a long, long time. When she asks people for food because she is hungry, let them produce a bag of dog shit from their pockets from when they were walking their dog and let them give that to her as an offering for her to indulge upon. Let her be forced to register as a registered sex offender when she gets caught urinating and shitting near businesses by the cops. That way, she will have nowhere else to go for the rest of her life since most apartments don't rent to sex offenders. Satan, I now ask you to deliver this curse right at midnight, marking the beginning of the New Year. Satan may this year be her worst nightmare, her hell on Earth. And, if she's living with anybody else who is close to her or who are related to her, let them suffer, too. But let whoever is evicting her suffer the most. HAIL SATAN!!!!!!!!!"

Then she rang the bell nine more times and stepped aside to let Smm Smm have his turn. There was no lighting of a Satanic candle because it was too windy but my demons did not mind. They thought it was better to have no light at all, just total blackness every which way.

"Hail Satan!!!!!!!!!" Smm Smm began.

"Dear Satan, my Unholy, wicked god in hell, let this despicable person, whoever it is who is evicting Antichris, whether it be a man or a woman, become homeless as a result of losing all sorts of money trying to remodel a bunch of apartments that are beyond repair. Keep on deluding the landlord's mind into thinking that those apartments really are worth something and that their value will go up if she spends more money remodeling them, though in reality, what they really need is to be torn down to shreds. Let every bank refuse to loan her any money and let all the tenants living in the apartments see what a horrible person she is and let them all rebel against her. That way, she can face more than one hardship. She will be losing loads of money because the apartments are nothing but a money pit that is sucking her dry every day, while also having to deal with rebelling, disrespectful tenants. HAIL SATAN!!!!!!!!!"

Next Mary Meyers stepped up to the spot. She twirled around, saying "Weeeeeeeee, Mary Meyers! Weeeeee, this is fun! I love cursing people, especially little bitches like her!"

After she was done twirling around, she said, "HAIL SATAN!!!!!!!!! Dark Lord, I come to you to ask that you make the tenants rebel in a way that will REALLY, REALLY make her wish she was dead but of course you won't kill her because you won't get any enjoyment out of that, will you Satan? You want to see her suffer, too, and so do we! Make the tenants all stop paying their rent all at the same time. That way, her remodeling project will be delayed as she tries to figure out what to do with all the leeches who are living there but who aren't paying their monthly rent. Let the contractors become frustrated with her because she is ceasing all work on the remodeling project until she figures out what she should do. In the end, my Dark Lord, let her be forced to hire a really expensive lawyer to help her evict every single one of the tenants and let the sheriff have to come to the apartments many, many times to evict every single one of the tenants, while at the same time charging the landlord a fortune for all the visits they have to make to get the tenants to get out. By the time she gets everyone evicted, she will be so broke that she might not be able to continue on with her project, not to mention keeping the apartments. I mean, how will she pay the bills if nobody is living in them and paying rent? Hahahahahahahaha, such a grand curse Satan! I love myself so much! I am so brilliant and smart and creative! Mary Meyers! I now ask you to deliver this curse NOW! Mary Meyers! HAIL SATAN!!!!!!!!! Hail Mary Meyers!"

Nevaeh was next in line. She is so very tiny but her need for revenge was very big and powerful and she wasted no time at all to tell Satan just what kind of hex that bastard of a landlord should receive.

"HAIL SATAN!!!!!!!!! Dark, Almighty Lord, I curse this landlord by asking you to cause all of the contractors working on remodeling the dumpy apartments to give up and quit on her. That way, she will have mis-matched apartments and that will be an even bigger eye sore than the apartments were in the beginning when she first took over a few months ago. Let the IRS come in and put a lien on the apartments and eventually take them away from her and give them to someone else. Perhaps, a landlord with a conscience maybe? I don't know. I don't really care who gets the apartments after she loses them, ok? Just make sure that she loses them along with all the money she invested in them and all of her pocket money that she uses to survive. Make her see what it's like to be hungry and to have to wear clothes that are actually dirty rags used to clean sewer drains and toilets. Make her have to sleep in a church parking lot where thousands of homeless people piss and shit so that the only air she breathes is polluted with the stench of bodily fluids. Oh yes, and Satan, let her catch all sorts of diseases from being surrounded by shit and piss constantly. But don't let them be deadly. Just let the diseases be bad enough to where she wishes she as dead. And if she tries to commit suicide, make sure she doesn't succeed. And make sure that people laugh at her and spit in her face and say things like, "god woman, you're so ugly. You don't even know how to commit suicide right! You are such a worthless failure. Here, eat my shit. You say you're hungry so here's your brown trout, served up with gooshy, smooshy, watery diarrhea for mashed potatoes,"."

Nevaeh took a deep breath and then said, "I now launch my curse Satan! Make sure it's delivered carefully, as there is a lot of stuff in that curse that must NOT be lost or forgotten. HAIL SATAN!!!!!!!!!"

There was a pause as the four demons waited for Bryan to take the stand. After several long seconds, Smm Smm finally gave him a nudge.

"Hey Bryan, what are you doing? It's your turn."

A little snore erupted from Bryan and a small line of drool had pooled at the edges of his mouth. He had fallen asleep during the hexing because he is so lazy.

"Oh yeah, all right, here I come."

He stretched slowly, yawned loudly enough to shake the shutters of the dumpy house where the bitch lived, and then he slowly got to his feet and lazily staggered up to her front door.

"HAIL SATAN!!!!!!!!! Dark Lord, my curse is short and sweet. I'm sure you will be thankful for that since my sisters and brother gave you such a long list of curses that I fell asleep because my brain just couldn't hold in all that information. Anyway Satan, I just wanna say that I curse her so that she will end up dying all alone. Her friends, family, contractors, and everybody else that she knows will all have rejected and long forgotten about her. Let her die in a field covered with cow dung. Let her be buried in it. Let her die alone and let her die in extreme filth. I'm pretty sure she's a clean freak, prissy type girl so yeah, that curse seems to suit her. HAIL SATAN!!!!!!!!!"

Bryan then spat a huge loogie at her doorstep, which floated on top of Chrissie's pee beautifully.

"All right, let's go home," groaned Bryan.

"My feet fucking hurt and my rum bottle's almost empty."

"No, we can't go yet," cried Nevaeh.

"We still have to curse the law firm that she hired to send Antichris that awful letter."

"All right," Bryan growled, flailing his branches in annoyance.

"But let's all just do one unanimous curse and get it over with already. I swear this is the most walking I've done in ages."

"Oh Bryan, you're so pathetic," Smm Smm said, leering at him.

"We haven't even left the driveway of the apartments where Antichris lives. We've only walked, what, five hundred feet?"

All of Smm Smm's sisters nodded in agreement. Then Chrissie said, "Bryan, you lazy bum you, shut up already! You're holding us up!"

After much cursing and stomping his mighty feet, Bryan began shuffling along with his sisters and brother, who were all chatting excitedly about where they were heading next and what curse they should all agree on to place on the entire law firm responsible for this tragedy.

By the time they arrived, all five demons were prepared with what they were going to say. Smm Smm was the one who was going to say the prayer out loud and ring the bell to get Satan's undivided attention. Chrissie, who had drunk a gallon of water on the way there, hosed down the walkway with her urine, laughing all the while like this:

"Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha!"

When they were all congregated at the front door of the huge, tall building, Smm Smm rang the bell and then began to speak. He said, "HAIL SATAN!!!!!!!!! Satan, all five of us demons, all created by you indeed, wish to curse everybody who worked on this case by forcing them out of work by a supernatural force. What I mean is, we all need you to destroy these headquarters and make these people sorry that they decided to become lawyers, let alone work here."

At once, a firecracker exploded right in the entrance of the building. It sounded like a gunshot. Within seconds, the entire building was engulfed in flames. All of the important papers and computer files were soon to be lost forever, irretrievable because they were all now in the belly of the fire that the great beast, Satan the Devil, had sent to perform this much necessary mass destruction.

There were only two minutes before midnight would strike, officially reeling in the New Year. Smm Smm lead his lazy brother and his tweeting, bouncing sisters to the post office where the letter was mailed to Antichris and he, with the help of his siblings, cursed all the postal workers and the people who actually had a role in making the very paper that the letter was written on and the envelope in which it was placed inside of to all have at least one of their limbs being blown off during the new years eve parties because of fireworks that were set off too close to them. Smm Smm and the other demons cursed them so that they would be handicapped for life. None of my demons believed that the people who manufactured the paper in which the letter was written and the envelope was created were innocent bystanders. They all had a role in causing Antichris to receive such an ugly letter on a day where we should have been celebrating but were instead worrying about the future and what it had in store for us. Sure, the paper manufacturers had no way of knowing what would be written on the paper that they made but, all the same, if they hadn't made the paper at all the letter would never have been sent and there would be no envelopes in which to send it in either. So, because of this reasoning, they, too, deserved a lifetime of woe and misery.

At midnight, there was a boom as a firework was set off near Antichris's apartment. There was cheering outside as people welcomed the New Year. Just then, my friends emerged, wearing gleeful smiles and making wicked cackling sounds. Antichris had no way of knowing what they were up to but I sure did and I couldn't wait to write it down.

I hugged all my demons, refilled Bryan's alcohol stash so he'd stop whining and give me and Antichris some space. Then I walked over to Antichris and we kissed deeply, proclaiming our deep, undying love to each other as the New Year opened its eyes and settled into its role on Earth.

HAIL SATAN!!!!!!!!!