Hey Dad! What's up?
I have something so funny to share with you. Remember how much Mom hated when people wasted food? Even a spoonful of food not eaten would throw her into a tizzy! Good times, huh? So glad I don't talk to her anymore. I bet you are, too.
Anyway, I wasn't able to finish my Bear Claw ice cream treat today. You see, I live in a really trashy studio apartment and the freezer is so weak and old that it can't even freeze ice cream. My landlord insisted that it could freeze ice cream but I later learned that she was quite full of crap. Either she had never lived in a studio apartment before or she was desperate to get me to rent this place. Either way, I couldn't finish the carton of Bear Claw. So, what's going to happen now? Where is it going to go?
The trash, that's where. Maybe a homeless person will find it and indulge. Whatever happens to the Bear Claw does not interest me. I'm only interested in the fact that I am wasting it and wasting a lot of it, too. And, I'm proudly wasting it.
My mom would be so livid if she was here to see what I was doing. I remember her huge tangents she would go on about how awful it was to waste food.
One time Tim made this horrible steak. The meat was all tough and fatty and gristly. So, like anyone with normally functioning taste buds, I didn't want to finish it and refused to do so.
"Ashlee, you are so wasteful," my mom began harping immediately once she saw that there was more than half a steak uneaten on my plate.
"There are so many hungry people in the world that would love to eat the supper that you are eating but they can't because they are too poor."
"Why don't you give it to them then?" I wanted to say but thought better of it. I was only eight or nine then and pissing Mom off wasn't quite as entertaining as it was when I got older and my hatred for her continued to grow steadily.
"Eat!" she barked.
So I began to stuff as much of it in my cheeks as I could and pretended like I was swallowing it. When she wasn't looking, though, satisfied that she had gotten me to eat the disgusting heap on my plate, I whispered "Jethro."
My black and white border collie and lab mix knew that it was sneaky time. He quietly came over to me and ducked underneath the table. I quickly picked up all the remaining steak on my plate and threw it at him on the floor. Within a few seconds it was gone.
Jethro started to leave, thinking that I had given him everything, but I wasn't finished with him yet. There was still the disgusting slop in my mouth that we still had to make disappear and I was positively, most definitely, determined not to swallow it.
So I dug the food out of my mouth and gave it all to him. Yeah, I know, it's gross but dogs eat worse things than food from people's mouths. I mean, as pups they eat everything that their moms barf for them so this was like puppyhood for Jethro.
He ate it all and I sat back and smiled. Jethro gave a sigh of contentment and walked slowly back to his bed and lay down.
"Okay Mom," I called to her.
"I finished everything. Can I be excused?"
She came over to inspect my plate and make sure there wasn't anything stashed away in my cheeks to be flushed down the toilet later whenever I found an opportunity to spit it out in the toilet.
"Good girl," she told me, ruffling my hair in the way she knew I hated. It send goosebumps up and down my body and the hairs on my neck stood up as hatred and anger billowed inside of me.
"Was it really that hard to finish your dinner?" she taunted me.
"Nope, not hard at all," I told her, finding it very difficult to hide my smile from her as the words came out of my mouth.
To be honest Dad, I really don't have a clue why Mom was so uptight about wasting food. I mean, everybody wastes food sometimes, even she does I'm sure. And, could me wasting disgusting, gristly meat be as bad as her sleeping around on her husband and abusing her very own flesh and blood daughter?
Here's what I think. She didn't really give a rip about wasting food and all the hungry people in third world countries. Nope, that wasn't on her top worry list at all. I think that she just wanted an excuse for something to nit pick at me with and, since I wasn't willing to finish my meal, that seemed just right to fulfill her naggy desire and take it out on me.
I love you Dad. I can't wait for the show. I'm so excited! Hey, I forgot to tell you, my show is going to be broadcasted on YouTube so that whoever misses the show can view it at their own convenience and the rest of the world who don't follow my blog can watch it if they stumble on it while surfing YouTube and can maybe find that they can relate a lot to my experiences I had growing up with a crazy mother, not to mention, a crazy family in general. I feel, and I'm sure that you would agree, that my mother had her fair share of getting to express her opinions and loudly I must add. So, now it's my turn.
I love you Dad. I'll write more later.