Ian appreciative But I'm really not. I'm going to try really hard not to be I'm grateful and appreciative and I'm sorry if I come across that way to. either Chris or my mom but I guess the truth of the matter is dad. I just want different kinds of loves and they have to offer merry Christmas. Love you stand perfect to get peed listen to everything. I had to say and how we validated me and now it's just like. I can say. In the you know I can I can voice an opinion. I have about you know certain parenting skills, but he just won't hear any of it. You know, so that's why I don't really understand why I feel guilty about about not seeing amera because sometimes I wonder like why I should bother like if he's the only one who can make decisions then. He's really should really not my kid. I mean she's hurt. She's Chris's. You know. I think I'm starting to ramble now, so I think I'm going to get going to get back to my audio book, but I'm really glad I got to talk to you and I really miss you dad. I wish we could talk. cuz I think that even even now for all these years and After all the satanism stuff I have gotten into and all the stuff that's happened in my life. I still think I'd be able to confide in you about stuff and I really wish you were here to listen. but you're not, but it's still feels good to let it out regardless and Anyway, I will leave you a message or Publish something very soon, but I just wanted you to know that you're in my thoughts today and was a really nice sunny day reminding me lot of you and we know me and you know we'll beach and having lounging days and looking out the window at the sunny skies and even rainbow sherbert and chocolate ice cream. and this new maiden missed you all the more I guess but I'll I'll talk to you next time feel Satan sell Samsung bye.